" BEING A CARER KILLS "

Updated: 6th July, 2015

Origins & Reasons for this Blog, see here.

I came across this statement in a book My Bonnie by former ITV (UK) newscaster John Suchet. Many situations experienced by Mr. Suchet with his wife Bonnie have paralleled those with my wife ( Mary Ann ). His spouse was diagnosed with dementia in 2006. Sadly, Bonnie died in April, 2015 at the age of 73. Over those ten years John Suchet asked the same questions of himself that ponder through my mind today.

In relation to the health of those who care for people who have serious mental, dementia and associated physical disabilities, being a carer will kill you if one does not take needs of their own life into perspective. Questions like “what will happen if I get seriously ill from stress – or, even get dementia ” spring up. In my own particular case I am nine years older than my wife who is now 63. She suffers from early onset rare Fronto-Temporal Dementia ( FTD) - often called " Young Dementia ".

The potential for mental and physical health problems for older carers is immense. You live the life of the person for whom you care, as well as your own. The experience is "Always on Call, Always Concerned " as depicted by a UK Carer's Trust report.

Hence, a carer has a duty to take care of themselves for the sake of BOTH themselves and  their loved ones. And quite often a person must fight for the rights to receive respite to keep themselves well. I have been fortunate in not only receiving support from three adults daughters, those mental health charities listed on links of this blog, but occasionally even from social services with respite trips. These have usually been spent going to Scotland, Switzerland or other parts of Europe for ice curling adventures.

Curling being played in Kent, England

Curling is an Olympic sport and personal activity that helps my mental health amidst the anxiety of caring for someone with a serious mental illness or dementia. It is also a sport that has lost some international players to suicide brought on by mental illness. "Curling for Mental Illness" is advocacy, as shown in a 2013   mental health campaign throughout Canada.   

Nonetheless, make sure that your caring for another does not cause so much stress that the experience literally ‘ kills you.’

ORIGINS OF JOURNEY ON MENTAL HEALTH AND DEMENTIA ADVOCACY

Updated: 6th July, 2015

The title of this blog originates from an Oliver Stone movie about the Vietnam War of 1963-1975 ( i.e. “Heaven and Earth ” ). I expanded a theme of the film to my life as depicted in an associated blog, Tales from Life’s Odyssey.

Being raised in a stringent military environment, mental health issues were more or less ‘brushed under the carpet.’ My father, a high-ranking career officer in the Royal Canadian Air Force, died at the young age of 42. I was only 16 at the time and this event had profound emotional impact upon my life for years.

I remember the reaction my mother gave upon my one day telling her ‘ I want to see a psychiatrist.’ Teenagers did not routinely say this to a parent in 1960. So, her response of ‘you must be crazy’ might appear comical but was equally not surprising. My emotional dysfunction was carried in my soul for the next fifteen years throughout the world while attempting to show others that ‘ I was my father’s son.’

That path was followed through catastrophes in several war zones ( starting in the Middle East, followed by Laos and Vietnam ),other man-made calamities, and natural disasters. From psychological impacts of those involvements, by Christmas of 1973 my fate was as a helpless, homeless drug addict existing on the freezing streets of New York City. As an official missing person, friends traced and eventually found me, thereupon temporarily placing me in a Salvation Army hostel.

From there I was sent to my native country with assistance of a Canadian-born doctor who worked with Vietnam War veterans at New York’s military hospitals. My symptoms were comparable to serious anxiety disorders suffered by these former soldiers. By 1980 that syndrome was clinically labelled post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Two wounded comrades in Vietnam War of 1963 -1975:

the conflict that coined distinct term and meaning of PTSD .

Hospitalised in Toronto during spring, 1974, I spent three months at an addiction and psychiatric recovery facility which is now called the CAMH - Centre for Addiction and Mental Health . My distinct remembrance upon discharge was being told that if I ever returned to drug abuse my death would follow shortly thereafter. This reality impressed upon my thoughts for decades thereafter.

However, having a wife enduring the mental imbalance of young dementia  ( officially called 'fronto-temporal dementia' ) really forges my understanding, advocacy and public awareness of mental health issues and brain disorder complications. She suffered periodic frequencies of schizophrenia from 18-20 years of age, and first illustrated dementia traits in her early 50's. The roots of her story are summarised in this section of Tales from Life’s Odyssey.

Hence the purpose of this blog is to highlight experiences of being her main carer, in the face of public stigma, discrimination, sometimes authoritarianism within the psychiatric profession, and, short-sighted government polices towards mental illnesses and dementia.